Cameron's Notebook of Mental Mayhem
by Starryoak
Summary: Cameron is roped into being Mike's unofficial therapist, and while he's happy for the scientific data, he's not sure what he's gotten himself into.
1. The Doctor is In

Life was pretty hectic at the Playa, what with the occasional mutant that escaped decontamination, feral freaks in the vents, and Izzy's... Well, Izzyness. You couldn't go a day without something going wrong, and it was a miracle if you had an hour of quiet. That's why Cameron Fletcher wasn't going to waste a single second of his precious silence by hanging out. No, he was going to read the greatest book he had, one had been dying to arrive for week now, "Danaus Plexippus: The Perplexing Puzzle"! Sure Cameron could just go hang out with his friends and read later, but he might never have another day this perfect for reading; sun shining, but not too brightly, no breeze to ruffle the pages, and most importantly, quiet. He reclined in his lawn chair next to the Pool de Losers, sighing happily as he opened the book up and read about his favorite creature. "Ah, Danaus Plexippus, how you fascinate me."  
"Hey Cam, what'cha doing?" He jumped up in fright, only to come face to face with Mike, who was leaning over his lawn chair, trying to read over his shoulders. "Oh, sorry buddy, I didn't mean to scare you." He smiled apologetically, showing off the gap in his teeth. Cameron always wondered where he got the gap, because it looked less like a natural gap, and more like something knocked it out.  
"Oh, it's ok, you just startled me, no big deal." Cameron said shakily, setting the book down on the table. He always liked seeing Mike, even when he wasn't expecting it. "I was just reading a book I got in the mail yesterday, seeing as it's such a nice day."  
"Oh, that's cool." Mike laughed nervously. "Hey, so, uh..." Mike rubbed the back of his neck. "Can I talk to you for a second?" Cameron gave him a concerned look, and Mike frantically waved his hands. "No, no, I'm ok, it's just I figured you'd be the guy to talk to about stuff. Cause you're the first person I confided in about my condition." He paused. "Well, actually, you're the first person who wasn't driven away by it." He sighed sadly.  
"Sure, Mike, I'm always happy to help a friend!" Cameron smiled, getting up. He really was happy to help Mike, but he couldn't pretend that he didn't have an academic interest in his friends problem. He probably wouldn't ever get a better head-start on his medical career than his experiences with Mike. "Although I really don't think that here is the place to talk, you know, confidentiality." Cameron motioned around at the other contestants out and about on the patio.  
"Oh, yeah, I guess so... I think Trent's doing something with the rest of the drama bro's, so our room's free." Mike said, smiling. "You ok with that, buddy?" He asked, prompting a quick nod from Cameron. While they were walking to the elevator, Mike turned to Cameron to make awkward small talk. "I hear Scott gets out of the trauma chair this week."  
"Really? I mean, I can't believe he's gotten better this fast. I mean, the bone fractures and blood loss alone should have put him under for at least six months. Let alone the voice box trauma from screaming and Fang throttling him..." Cameron pondered, listing off the various injuries Fang had inflicted on the villainous hick. Honestly, as much as Cameron hated Scott, he didn't deserve this, or how everyone laughed. He might have been evil, but seeing him around the Playa in that little robot suit made him feel guilty. At least his voice box healed up enough to talk... Maybe... He hadn't actually spoken since he was in the suit, honestly Cameron was just guessing based on the normal healing rate of the average teenage male.  
"I know, I'm shocked too. Although, I kind of feel bad now for laughing at him during the finale." Mike sighed, as they reached the elevator, pushing the button. "I mean, he's an asshole, sure, but being mauled into a comatose state by a giant mutant shark? That's just... Awful." He said, tapping his foot impatiently as mildly annoying music played.  
"Yeah, I agree." Cameron bluntly stated. "That's why part of my money went to his medical care." He said, as the elevator doors opened.  
"Wow, I still can't believe you gave up all of your prize money for us. I mean, I still don't know what to do with the seventy-seven thousand you gave me!" Mike and Cameron walked down the hall. "I mean, mom wants me to put it into college, but Svetlana wants me to use it to take professional gymnastics classes, Vito wants to buy a motorcycle, Chester just wants me to give the money to my elders, and Manitoba wants me to take a vacation to Australia. So I'm obviously kind of torn." He listed off the various demands as they passed the other contestants rooms, from Cameron and B's room with its electronic beeping, to Sierra and Izzy's scorch marked door.  
"Australia, huh?" Cameron laughed. "Personally I'm terrified of the place. I mean twenty-one out of the twenty-five most deadly snakes all live there!" He shuddered in terror, and Mike gasped. "I know, it's scary!"  
"Yah'll gonna be taking that right back 'bout the best damn country in the world, ya' hear?" Cameron looked up at Not-Mike, recognizing the voice change and gasping to mean he had accidentally summoned one of his alternate personalities. Judging by the accent, Manitoba had come out when he insulted Australia. "Too yella' to speak, Shrimpy?" Manitoba glared menacingly at Cameron, who was cowering, but he shook his head.  
"Um, Manitoba?" Cameron shakily asked, causing Manitoba to nod. "I thought you could only be triggered by a fedora..." He said, confused.  
"Well, actually we ain't got no choice 'bout coming when there's a trigger, but if we get a hankering' for fresh air we can push ol' Mikey out of the spotlight." Manitoba explained, pointing at his head. "Hold yah dingoes, Mike, I'm talking to the little shrimp." He absentmindedly ta lked to himself. Suddenly he gasped and frowned.  
"Mike? You ok?" Cameron asked, concerned. Mike groggily nodded, and they continued walking towards his room, when they reached it, he opened the door, ushering him in. "Wow, this room is pretty nice." Cameron commented, looking at Mike's side, which had car posters and Ballet medals on the wall.  
"Thanks, Cam." Mike sat on his bed. "That's why I wanted to talk to you, actually."  
"You want to talk about your room?" Cameron asked quizzically. Mike stared back, equally confused.  
"Uh...no, actually." Mike said flatly. "I mean how Manitoba came out without a trigger." He sighed. "For a while after we had our big fight, they just wouldn't talk to me, like they were scared or angry or something." He said, curling up slightly. "Yeah, it was actually really scary, I mean they're annoying sometimes, but I haven't been alone like that for years." He shivered. "But like a few weeks ago they all started showing up without the triggers, whenever they want. I didn't even realize I was switching until I snapped out of it with Anne Maria snuggling up to me! I mean, I was wearing a shirt and everything!" Mike hyperventilated, wildly gesturing with his hands.  
"That's bizarre..." Cameron mused on his friend's predicament. On one hand, he couldn't just let them run amok, but on the other hand, suppressing his personalities might have caused the problem in the first place. "Do you think that suppressing them might have paradoxically had an adverse effect on your control over them?"  
"Uh, if you're asking whether making them go away made them revolt, I guess..." Mike said, thoughtfully, turning towards an unknown person angrily. "What do you mean he's right? Why wouldn't you guys tell me?" He yelled to no one real. "Of course I listen to you, Chester, it's hard not to when you comment on everything I say!" He snapped, clearly lost in the argument in his head. "Well, what am supposed to do, just let you make out with Anne Maria? I have a girlfriend, Vito." Cameron watched in fascination at this one-sided conversation going on with Mike, mentally taking notes. "No, I can't just enter a ballet competition, Svetlana, I'm not going snap out of it with a trophy I didn't have last night! Where did this topic even come from?"  
"Mike?" Cameron poked Mike, who shook himself out of it, turning to Cameron. "So, what was that little chat about?"  
"Oh, yeah." Mike laughed nervously. "They said that they felt like they were being oppressed. Chester actually said something about 1984... Whatever that means." He looked confused. "I think I had to read a book about that, but I don't remember much about it."  
"1984 was a book about a dictatorship, Mike, and Chester is wildly overreacting, I'm sure." Cameron explained. "I think that keeping them suppressed is like pushing down a spring: If you don't do it right, it's liable to spring back up." Cameron mimed pressing down on the spring, pausing. "Although it's only theoretical based on the circumstances, not solid fact."  
"Sounds as good of an explanation as any." Mike laughed. "So what should I do?"  
"Have you considered talking to a therapist?" Cameron asked, causing Mike to flinch. "What's wrong?"  
"I-I haven't gone to a therapist for a while. Haven't been since I signed up for Total Drama. " He sighed. "I kind of yelled at her the last time I saw her. She told me that going on Total Drama was a bad idea, but honestly, as much pain as it caused me, I met my dream girl on this show. Plus, I finally got to let someone know me." He grinned, poking Cameron. "The real me, not the me that hid things from everybody, the me behind the personalities."  
"I'm glad I could help, Mike, you were my first friend ever! I owe a lot to you, you know?" Cameron smiled, poking Mike back lightly. "You know, I bet I could help solve your 'no trigger' problem, if my theory's correct."  
"Really?" Mike grinned, hugging Cameron tightly, letting him go so he could breath. "Dude, you are like, the greatest guy ever!" He laughed. "So, what's your prescription, Dr. Cameron, PhD." He said poshly.  
"Actually I haven't earned a PhD yet- oh, you were joking." He corrected, but sheepishly retracted his rebuttal. "What I'm thinking is that if you let your personalities out every once and a while in a monitored environment, you can better control them." Cameron proposed. Honestly, he didn't yet have scientific evidence for his theory, but science wasn't built on certain fact, they had to build their own facts. Or something, he really lost where he was going with that metaphor.  
"How certain are you that it would work?" Mike asked, causing Cameron to shrug. "And where would a controlled environment even be?"  
"Well, this sort of counts as one, you know." Cameron said. "See, the doors are closed so nobody can disturb us, the windows can be closed, and it's safe in here. There's not too much that could interfere with the therapy session." He explained, pointing to the closed door and the closed windows.  
"So it is like a therapy type thing." Mike said hesitantly. "I mean, what would happen?"  
"Well, yes, I guess it would count as therapy." Cameron said. "Hypothetically, if you chose to I mean, you would come visit me every once and a while and let one of your personalities talk to me, and I'd make observations." Cameron explained, smiling slightly. "And if my theory is correct, that should keep the personalities confined to their triggers."  
"Wow, that sounds like it could work, though I'm nowhere near qualified to say that." Mike chuckled awkwardly. "Who would go first though, I mean, Svetlana wants to be first, but I need to get in control of Vito soon before Zoey finds me kissing another girl again." Mike looked up in thought, pondering his choices.  
"Maybe, instead of them, I get to know you better first." Cameron suggested, Mike giving him an odd look.  
"But you already know me, Cam, we're best friends." Mike pointed out.  
"Yes, but that's all firsthand experience, what I'll be doing is writing down the things you tell me and your answers to my questions." Cameron said, reaching into his sweatshirt pockets and pulling out a small notepad. "Maybe, since we have everything set up, we could start now?"  
"I guess there's no reason not to." Mike shrugged, laying down on his bed "Whenever you want, you know."  
"First question." Cameron began, preparing his pencil. "What is your name?"  
"Dude, you know my name, why are you asking me that?" Mike gave Cameron a funny look.  
"I'm just asking so I can sort this by name later." Cameron said, slightly defensive.  
"Ok, fine, if you have to." Mike grumbled halfheartedly. "My name is Mike Smith."  
"So, Mike, what's your family like?" Cameron asked, the question causing Mike to flinch and stare into space.  
"Uh, well, my mom's a waitress at this bar down in my hometown, and she's really nice. She's kind of forceful and bossy when she needs to be, but most of the time she's a pretty laid back gal." Mike paused, nervously fiddling with his hands. "I really don't want to talk about my dad."  
"Why is that?" Cameron looked concerned by this statement, pencil at the ready.  
"Uh, it's kind of complicated..." Mike avoided Cameron's gaze. "Can we just go to the next question?" He asked, while Cameron scribbled away at his notepad. "I didn't even answer that, how can you write something down about nothing?" He pointed at the notepad, slightly miffed and a little confused.  
"Oh, I'm just recording what you didn't say. It's just as important to note what questions you avoid as it is to record your answers." Cameron said, continuing his incessant scribbling.  
"O-okay then, what's the next question?" Mike asked, confused.  
"Oh, yes. Why did you come to this therapy session?" Cameron asked, causing Mike to give him a disbelieving stare.  
"Dude, you convinced me to do this, I'm pretty sure you know why I'm here." Mike said, slightly annoyed and more than a bit confused.  
"Oh, yeah." Cameron nervously laughed. "I was just reading off my checklist of questions to ask once I'm a therapist." He put down the notepad for a second.  
"You have a list prepared for this exact situation?" Mike asked, clearly a little weirded out.  
"Well, not this exact situation, I mean, I didn't account for Manitoba's manhandling..." Cameron said defensively, then huffed. "You try filling up your time when you have to spend sixteen years in a bubble!"  
"Whoa, Cam, chill out!" Mike quickly said, waving his arms spastically. "I didn't mean to upset you, I was just... Surprised!" He paused to think of what to say. "Yeah, surprised, that's it." He muttered to himself.  
"Thanks, Mike. It's just a bit of a sore spot, you know. Duncan kind of bullies me if I bring up anything remotely intellectual." Cameron sheepishly rubbed his arm. He hadn't ever gotten a wedgie before Total Drama, and it was an experience he really didn't want to have any more than he had already.  
"You know, if you want you could maybe skip the questions and just talk... Like, I talk and you write stuff about what I say." Mike suggested, hoping to ease the tension.  
"So instead of sticking to my pre-made dialogue for a hypothetical situation, I should let the conversation flow freely?" Cameron asked, and Mike nodded.  
"Yeah at least, that's what my therapist did." Mike sighed again, slouching. "I should really patch things up with her. She's probably really pissed that I didn't tell her I signed up."  
"Yeah, I can imagine. Especially seeing all that dangerous toxic waste and mutated creatures." Cameron laughed. "What does it feel like to be teleported by a mutant frog, by the way?"  
"It was like being exploded, but instead of hurting, it tingled." Mike scratched his head in thought. "Definitely not an experience I want to repeat." He laughed.  
"So, combustive teleportation...Fascinating..." Cameron began furiously scribbling away at his notepad. Maybe if he studied the concept more he could pioneer the field of transportation! "So, back on topic, how do you feel about your personalities?"  
"Well, Svetlana is definitely the best-er-least destructive towards my social life, I mean, sure it gets a little weird when girls ask me where I get my lipstick from, but she's the least mean." Mike pointed to his lips, going over his opinion mentally.  
"Wait, I was actually wondering, how does your face and hair change when you change? I mean, when you're Svetlana you get lipstick marks and eyelashes, when you're Vito, your hair slicks back, the only personality you have that doesn't physically alter you is Manitoba, and he requires you to put on a hat!" Cameron said. Truthfully this question had been with him ever since he first saw Mike switch personalities, but he never to around to asking.  
"I-I don't know..." Mike froze up and he stared into space, lost in thought. "I'm not sure, but I don't know if I want to know."  
"So you were saying about Svetlana?" Cameron asked, snapping Mike out of his thoughts.  
"Oh yeah, right." He coughed. "She weirds people out a lot, but she usually doesn't offend anyone, so the only problem I can say I have is her getting me into a situation where only she can get out of, and then I get hurt trying to get down. I can't tell you how many times she broke my arm trying to climb up trees... And water towers... And one time she managed to climb up the scaffolding of the new apartment when I was eleven, broke my arm in two places that time." Mike laughed, lost in memories of Svetlana's many escapades. "But she's settled down mostly. Once she signed up for ballet, she generally kept from getting me hurt."  
"You take ballet?" Cameron snickered, then quickly stifled the laughter. He wasn't trying to be rude, he was just slightly amused when he thought about Mike in a tutu. He knew that males wore different costumes, but the image amused him nonetheless."Sorry, sorry."  
"It's ok, my therapist suggested I try that to keep Svetlana occupied after the scaffolding incident." Mike laughed. "I don't even remember what goes on in those classes, Svetlana just takes over. Once I snapped out of it while I was being given an award for winning a competition I don't remember entering!" He pointed over at the medal hanging on the wall.  
"Interesting..." Cameron wrote some more notes down. "So, where do you take ballet now?" Cameron paused. "If you still take it, I mean."  
"Oh yeah, I take classes down at this studio with some of the other contestants." Mike smiled.  
"Really? Who else takes ballet?" Cameron asked, leaning closer with interest.  
"Dj, Katie and Sadie, Izzy..." He paused, as Cameron blinked in surprise. "Yeah, I know! Uh, there's also Heather, Dawn, Courtney and Staci." He listed off the rest from the top of his head.  
"The concept of Izzy taking ballet terrifies me, actually. Well, anything involving Izzy terrifies me, but ballet especially." Cameron shivered, and Mike laughed. "Hey, Izzy is a legitimately dangerous and psychotic!" Cameron defended himself indignantly.  
"Sorry, sorry, I guess this counts as payback for laughing at me taking ballet classes." Mike smiled, patting Cameron on the back. "Where was I..." Mike paused. "Oh yeah, my opinion on my personalities... I covered Svetlana, so I guess the one who is next in line would be Manitoba... He's, well... At least he isn't malicious, I mean, all I have to worry about from him is ending up lost in a cave, or maybe with a bunch of girls mad at me for whatever boneheaded comments he makes." Mike laughed, with a hint of bitterness. 'What? You know it's true dude, I mean, what about that time you told Eva to stand back and let the men folk handle it? I still have bruises from that!" Mike said to himself, rubbing his arm. "Anyway, he's kind of helpful sometimes, I mean, he's got a freaky sense of smell and I swear he can dig faster than a drill sometimes." Mike laughed. "Actually had a problem with that when I was younger, dug up the soccer field one time during P.E., got sent to the principal's office for that. Wanted to know how I managed to cause that much damage to their field without a shovel!" Mike groaned. "I had to help them clean up as punishment."  
"Sounds like he could have come in handy rescuing Sam." Cameron said, scribbling notes down. Not that it really would have made a difference, seeing as Scott had them digging in the wrong spot.  
"Yeah, but without a fedora, he doesn't come out... Except when I was little and I had trouble controlling them, then it was whenever he 'sensed' adventure or saw somewhere that looked unexplored." Mike groaned in annoyance. "You have no idea how many times he'd find his way into a condemned building or a dark scary cave. It was really annoying to be lost because of the fact that 'someone'," Mike air-quoted, "decided that there 'must' be treasure inside that cave!"  
"I can bet! I'd be scared to death just being in the proximity of a dark cave, let alone lost deep inside it!" Cameron shuddered. "The possibility of spiders alone sends shivers down my spine!" Cameron sighed. Sure, he thought he had conquered his fear of arachnids by beating Izzy, but an encounter with a wolf spider fixed that.  
"You better believe it, I mean the first time he did that I was only ten and I nearly peed myself at every noise. Took the rescue team an hour to get me out because Manitoba had gone farther than they had the mine mapped out!" Mike said, yelling angrily, before calming down. "Sorry for the noise."  
"Oh, it's ok." Cameron smiled. Honestly it wasn't that loud, but he appreciated Mike's concern. "It sounds like you had a lot of adventures with your personalities."  
"Calling them adventures makes it sound like I enjoyed them." Mike sighed angrily. "Pretty much the only one who doesn't get me into physical trouble is Chester, although his complaining has earned me a lot of detentions for smart-mouthing my elders." He laughed slightly at the irony. "There isn't much to say about Chester, although he has a lot to say about, well, everything. I think he kind of just complains about things so he doesn't feel like he's useless since my dad left." Mike had a odd look on his face, and Cameron just jotted notes down instead of asking. "So he mostly makes snappy remarks about people and things, and ranting about how things in his day were way worse than they are now. His stories are about as credible as Staci's, actually. He only comes out when I'm frustrated or annoyed, and he mostly spends his time outside moaning and whining." Mike paused and looked up at something Cameron couldn't see. "No, I don't think people in the 1900's ate with their hands, Chester, I'm pretty certain that forks have been around for a lot longer." He talked to Chester, huffing.  
"Actually, you're right, Mike, the earliest recorded use of forks was back in ancient Egypt." Cameron piped up, happy to get to use his useless facts for something.  
"Thanks, Cam." Mike smiled triumphantly, happy to know at least one of Chester's stories was bull. He paused and got an annoyed look on his face. "Hey, Cam isn't a ungrateful punk, Chester, he's just knowledgeable!" He sighed. "No, that is not the same thing as a punk. In fact that's pretty much the opposite of a punk."  
"Hey, I've never done anything worse than voting Jo off against her wishes! And she said she was proud of how underhanded I was!" Cameron defended himself, slightly mad at Chester's insinuation. He knew Chester wasn't exactly the most sensible guy/personality, and he probably would think Owen was a punk, but it still kind of stung.  
"Dude, don't worry, he calls everybody who physically exists a punk. Once, after Brick knocked me over, he called him a punk, even when Brick recognized that he was speaking to Chester and helped him up, and actually apologized as if I was really an old dude!" Mike laughed, lost in memory. "I don't really know why he did it, cadets code, I dunno, like maybe; always help your elders, even if they're just figments of someone's imagination?" He grinned, and the two of them burst out laughing.  
"Hehehe.. Yeah, Brick is pretty nice. Once, back on the island after the spider challenge before he switched cabins, he told me how awesome I'd been for beating up that big spider... Even if it was just Izzy." Cameron smiled. Brick was a great guy to have on a team, both for his strength and loyalty, and his good nature. "So, all that's left is Vito, although I can guess what your opinion on him is."  
"Yeah, Vito's an asshole." Mike snapped, pausing and looking up, he seemed to be listening to one of his personalities. "Dude, it's true, you've been screwing up my life for longer than I want to remember!" Mike raised his voice angrily. "I mean, I'm missing a tooth because of your flirting! Do you think I like having a gap in my teeth, because let me tell you, I don't!"  
"Oh each, I was wondering about that." Cameron said, interrupting Mike mid rant. "Can you tell me what he did exactly?"  
"I guess I could..." Mike said, sighing. "I was eleven when it happened, see, my personalities were strongest when I was nine up to about when I started seeing my therapist when I was twelve, so most of the stories about what they did came from that time in my life." He said, while Cameron wrote down notes about Mike's story. "But anyways, one time when I was 11, I was walking home from school, even though my personalities would always find a way out while no one was around there to stop them..." He paused and sighed. Mike was doing that a lot during these conversations. "I know it seems like a bad idea, but back then I didn't tell anyone about the switching because I didn't think it was worth telling anybody because nobody would believe me." He grinned ruefully. "In retrospect it was kind of stupid of me, but I was just a kid. I thought I could take care of myself just fine even if I couldn't remember the walks home, or I got lost for a while, since I always managed to get home safely most of the time."  
"Most of the time?" Cameron asked skeptically.  
"Yeah, and the exceptions were the ones I mentioned before where Svetlana or Manitoba would drag me someplace." Mike explained, falling back onto the pillows he was resting his back on. "Getting back on topic, I'm just walking down the block on my way home when Vito spotted a 'hot' girl and started hitting on her. I don't really remember what he said, cause y'know, alternate personality. Whatever Vito said pissed off her boyfriend enough to deck me, so I'm assuming it was really bad. " Mike opened his mouth and ran his tongue over the gap in his teeth. "Anyway, he punched me hard enough to knock a tooth out, and since the tooth wasn't a baby one, here I am today, with this gap in my teeth." He finished his story awkwardly.  
"That's an interesting story... Do you have anything else to say about Vito before I wrap this up?" Cameron asked, keeping his pencil poised. He figured that finalizing Mike's thoughts on his personalities would be a good place to stop.  
"Well, I guess I wish he would stop flirting with girls all the time, I mean, my love life had enough problems with just my personalities, but did one of them really have to be a man-whore?" Mike raised his voice, then clasped his hands over his mouth. "Oh god I'm sorry, sorry, so so sorry, please don't hate me!" Mike curled up defensively and began rocking back and forth. Cameron was about to tell Mike that he didn't need to apologize to him, but he realized that Mike was talking to himself, muttering his personalities replies. "Yo, dude, I haven't made out with a chick in like two days, I'm like a-a bastard of elasticity or whatever!" Mike mumbled Vito's reply.  
"Um, it's a bastion of chastity..." Cameron said meekly, not wanting Vito's mangling of the English language to go uncorrected.  
"That's what I said, goggles!" Mike/Vito replied, seemingly halfway between Mike and Vito, he seemed to be saying both his arguments with Vito and Vito's replies. "Dude, don't talk to my friend like that, I just got a friend who knows about you guys, and I don't want to lose him because you acted like a douche!" Mike said angrily. "Hey, I'm not a douchebag, it's just that you hang out with lame-o dorks, so it seems that way!" Mikie/Vito said bitterly. "Yeah, you totally aren't a man-whore, you just make out with like all of the girls in the world!" Mike seemed to be gaining confidence, even though he wasn't uncurling from his ball. "Hey yo, I haven't made out with a girl that ain't Annie in like, 3 weeks! You know how many chicks I could have scored with by now? I'm Annie's dude now, I ain't gonna be cheating on my main girl now, I mean, that girl's gotta have like D cups at least! I mean, seriously Mike, Zoey's got nothing on Annie's ass!" Mike/Vito said, causing Mike's face to turn beet red, and he snapped out of his semi-trance with a mortified look in his eyes. "Meep!" He squeaked, looking at Cam like he was going to beat him up.  
"Well, that was... Interesting..." Cameron felt his cheeks heat up, embarrassed, but he stopped when he saw the terrified look on Mike's face. "Mike, Mike, what's wrong?" Cameron reached over to comfort him, but Mike shrunk away from his hand fearfully.  
"I'm sorry, so so sorry, please don't hurt me!" Mike shivered, seemingly lost in his own world. "Cam, I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to have heard that, I didn't mean to!" Mike said, back pedaling. Cameron tried to speak up, but Mike cut him off. "I knew I'd find some way to screw things up eventually, I mean, I always do!" He ranted to himself, before hitting himself in the head. "Stupid!" He hit himself again. "Stu-" He was about to hit himself again, but Cameron grabbed his hand.  
"MIKE!" Cameron said forcefully, and probably louder than was necessary, given Mike's panicked state. "Mike, what's going on? Why were you hitting yourself?"  
"Huh?..." Mike shook his head and sluggishly rubbed his temples. "Did I zone out there for a sec?" He seemed genuinely unaware that he had been punching himself not moments earlier. "And why does my head hurt so bad?"  
"Uh, Mike, you were punching yourself..." Cameron said, concerned. He didn't hear any audio clues to Mike switching, but his inability to recall what had happened suggested he has switched personalities. Cameron made a note about a possible 5th personality, but said nothing else.  
"Aw dude, are you serious?" Mike sighed when Cameron nodded. "I thought Dr. Freeman said that I had that under control..."  
"Had what under control?" Cameron asked, scribbling away at his notepad,  
"Uh..." Mike looked back and forth shiftily. "Like, after ju-uh, I mean..." He began, but quickly corrected himself, eyes wide, well, wider than normal. "Anyway, that's not important, forget about it!" He said, slightly panicked. "Before I saw Dr. Freeman, I would sometimes just snap and punish myself if I did anything that my dad wouldn't like. After a while under her therapy, I stopped doing it." Mike shivered slightly at the mention of his dad, but Cameron didn't press it, he just wrote down a note about paternal issues and let Mike continue. "She said that the regular therapy sessions were helping."  
"So, if this only happens when you don't have regular therapy sessions, do you think that this is a better idea than I initially anticipated?" Cameron smiled. Sure, scientific data is a good reason, but helping Mike was definitely a higher priority than scientific acclaim, no matter how promising an article in Bubble Boy Magazine sounded.  
"Sure, sounds like a better idea than nothing, and besides dates with Zoey, I really don't have much to do here around the playa." Mike sat up from his fetal position and smiled. "You think that me coming here and talking to you will help?" He seemed hesitant, but smiled when Cameron nodded.  
"Oh yes, of course, that is if my theory is correct." Cameron brightened up and grinned, flipping through hi notes. "I'm going ask Svetlana for her side on all of this next time, then Manitoba and so on." Cameron looked back up at Mike. "I mean, you know, if you don't mind doing this kind of thing again."  
"Jeez, Cam, it's not like it's a date, calm down a little." Mike said. "This was weird... But honestly I enjoyed it, except for that little slip up at the end. Talking with you is a lot more fun than getting dragged all over the Playa by my personalities, and maybe it actually will help." He smiled, getting up and stretching his arms.  
"So, what, we meet this time next week? Or should I let you decide?" Cameron got up as well, and headed out the door.  
"This time next week, I guess." Mike laughed, waving goodbye to Cameron before closing the door.  
"Well, that was fascinating..." Cameron walked down the hall, flipping over his notes. He really wasn't sure whether he had gleaned any scientific data from it, but he learned more about Mike and especially his personalities. He also had a lead on combustive teleportation he could look in to if he ever found one of those mutated frogs, so that was something. Passing by his room, he pondered going in there to calm down, but there was one thing he wanted to do more than that...

"Ah, where were we, Danaus Plexippus?..." Cameron reclined in the pool chair, picking up the book that was miraculously still intact and not stolen. Watching as Bridgette swam laps, he settled in to start his new book. Yes, things were hectic here, but he was starting to feel like there wasn't any other way he'd like it...

AN; I'm so sorry for the Vito part. ;-; I just had to. Just... "Bastard of Elasticity". I am deeply regretful yet not. This was mostly written before Mal's Juvy reveal, but I did manage to throw in a little reference. Review please, but be kind-ish. Next chapter Cameron gets roped into helping some numerical nut. I'll leave that clue where it lies and let you figure it out.


	2. The Numerical Nutcase

It had been less than a week since Mike's first unofficial semi therapy session when Cameron was roped back into the psychoses of his fellow contestants. He had just finished chapter two of his new book, reclining in his new favorite reading spot beside the pool, he put his book down to look around the poolside. The first thing he noticed was Izzy circling Owen like a shark, before leaping on to him and latching onto his face. It took Cameron a few seconds to realize Izzy was not in fact eating Owen's face, but kissing him. Izzy was one of the most terrifying people he had ever had the 'pleasure' to meet on the show, and he had no idea how Owen could date someone so volatile and psychotic, but then again he didn't understand the appeal of dating in the first place. There was just way too much physical contact involved, and the mouth to mouth germ ferrying known colloquially as kissing made him retch just thinking about it. He was lost so deep into his thoughts on the horrors of dating that he didn't notice that someone had sat in the lawn hair adjacent to him. "Hey, uh, you're Cameron, right?" Cameron jumped up in surprise, turning to view the person greeting him. For a second, Cameron didn't recognize him, not familiar with the original cast. "Did I startle you?" After a second or two, he recognized him as Trent. He was kind of embarrassed that he didn't recognize him sooner. Despite sharing a hotel and sometimes sharing a room, the new cast only really interacted sparsely with the original cast. Sure some of them were friends with them, but it wasn't too much interaction between the two. They didn't avoid each other, but the bonds forged by competing with the other contestants in their seasons were already set in stone and they mostly steered clear of each other subconsciously. He snapped out of his thoughts to see Trent looking at him expectantly, and he smiled nervously, embarrassed.  
"A little bit, but don't worry." Cameron laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.  
"Oh, sorry dude!" Trent smiled reassuringly. "You're Mike's therapist, right?" He asked awkwardly. Cameron blinked in surprise, unaware that anyone but Mike and probably Sierra knew. He didn't tell her, but that girl always knew every little detail of their lives, no matter how secret or well hidden.  
"Unlicensed, untrained, underage therapist, but yes, you could say that." Cameron laughed nervously. He wasn't sure he liked being called a therapist when he hadn't even gone to college yet or earned a doctorate, it just felt like jumping the gun.  
"Yeah, we'll, whatever it is you're doing, keep it up." Trent gave a thumbs up, laughing pleasantly. "Mike is awesome, don't get me wrong, but his personalities can be kind of a handful to deal with. Chester and Svetlana are kind of weird, but I can totally deal with a cranky old man and a Russian chick..." He laughed. "Y'know, before Total Drama, I'd never have been ok with this crazy junk. I mean, Svetlana and her weird sleep gymnastics thing is one thing, but Vito's constant obnoxious club music is unbearable. That dude has terrible taste in music."  
"That was music coming from your room? I thought that it was sirens and explosions from Izzy!" Cameron said in shock, remembering when he first heard those noises and B had to give him his earmuffs. B was a good roommate, even if his constant silence was unnerving, he honestly wasn't sure if B couldn't talk, or if he just chose not to. "It almost burst my eardrums and my room is really far away from yours!" He said loudly, calculating the decibel levels at the source of the music in his head. He didn't have the numbers, but he was pretty sure it should have deafened Trent and Mike, although the fact that they both seemed fine suggested personal judgement had clouded scientific fact.  
"Yeah, bad dubstep will do that to you. I thought I was going to die until B showed up with Staci, and they sold me these noise proof ear muffs for like a hundred bucks." Trent said, pausing. "I think they were going door to door selling them." He laughed. "Staci is actually a surprisingly good saleswoman, and the emptiness of my wallet can attest to that." Cameron looked at him suspiciously, disbelieving that the compulsively lying chatterbox could convince someone that the sky was blue, let alone sell products.  
"I'm not entirely sold on that idea." Cameron grinned at his awkwardly bad pun, and Trent gave a small chuckle. "So, not that I don't like the company, but why did you choose to sit by me? I'm not overly popular, last time I checked, so the likelihood of you wanting to 'hang out' with me is slim." Cameron air quoted the last bit, unsure of why someone as cool as Trent would be hanging around with him.  
"Oh, uh, yeah." Trent gave a nervous look and tapped his fingers methodically on the lawn chair, but he stopped suddenly when he saw he was doing it. "You-You've seen Total Drama Action, right?" He asked nervously.  
"We all did, Niney-Mcstalkerpants!" They heard a slightly hoarse nasally voice from behind them, and turned around. To their shock, they saw Scott, out of the trauma chair and sitting at a table nearby. He gave a weaselly smirk and coughed. "Man," he hacked, "not speaking for a couple months must've made my throat weak." He let out another hack, but he didn't let the smirk fall off his face.  
"Uh, I thought he was in a robot suit." Trent said, wincing every time Scott coughed. "Dude, are you okay?"  
"Yeah, better than ever!" Scott gave an unconvincing grin, and laughed weakly. "I mean, sure the doctors said I probably should keep from doing too much and overtaxing my muscles- hey wait a minute!" He growled. "Why the hell should I be talking to you two losers! I'm perfectly fine-" He coughed again. "Shut up."  
"Hey, Scott, want to come swim in the pool? Waters nice and cool!" Izzy popped out of the water near Trent and Cameron, apparently having finished her make-out session, she oddly seemed to be wearing a shark costume that she didn't have before. "I'm dressed as Fang for halloween, do you think I got it right?" She turned around to inspect her fake tail. "Ooh, damnit, tails too long!" Cameron shivered at the close proximity to his greatest fear, and Trent backed away slowly.  
"Uh, two things, Izzy; for one, it's the middle of summer, and second, I think you broke Scott." Trent said bluntly, pointing over to Scott, who was curled up in the fetal position, eyes wide in shellshocked horror, locked on something unseen. "Shouldn't someone be helping him?" Trent said.  
"No!" Scott shook in fear. "No more pain! Don't wanna go back in the chair!" He flailed is limbs randomly.  
"Oh, E-scope said he'd love the costume!" Izzy pouted, diving back into the water, disappearing. Trent and Cameron blinked in shock at the sudden departure of the dorsal fin donned redhead. They shrugged and turned back to Scott, only to find that Dawn had shown up and was reassuring Scott.  
"I sense great fear within you, Scott." Dawn said, her sweet voice soothing Scott. "There is nothing that will hurt you right now." She smiled, Scott not noticing the ominous lack of reassurance that he wouldn't be hurt ever.  
"You know, I'm starting to notice a trend here." Trent dead panned, slightly annoyed. "Every time we try to continue this conversation, someone shows up and distracts us."  
"That is odd, normally the poolside area is quiet this time of day." Cameron added. He knew the normal day to day schedule from observation, and normally Izzy didn't wake up until 3;00 in the afternoon, so everything was more or less quiet until then. That was why he scheduled his reading at noon, but Izzy's early wake up messed with the silence.  
"Yeah, that is weird." Trent said, looking up in thought. "Although, really, everything around here has gotten weird." A loud crash and a roar could be heard in the distance, and Trent winced, seeing Dakota run off crying, Sam fruitlessly chasing his girlfriend.  
"So, how did you know about Mike's therapy sessions?" Cameron asked. Mike may have been getting better about not hiding things from people, but he wasn't sure he would tell someone.  
"Dude, he's my roommate and you're having the therapy in our room, I think I'm obligated to know." Trent said matter-of-factly, causing Cameron to look down in embarrassment for not realizing it sooner. "Hey, it's no big deal to not think of things, we're all human." Trent noticed Cam's discomfort and gave him a small pat on the back.  
"Thanks, Trent." Cameron brightened up. "So, I noticed you were tapping your fingers rhythmically back before we were interrupted. Were you tapping a pattern, like morse code?" He said quizzically, seeming to agitate Trent, who looked around slightly nervously.  
"Oh, yeah, that." Trent chuckled nervously, but swallowed his fear and sighed. "During TDA I had a little...uh... problem with the number nine."  
"Oh, yes, that." Cam said, remembering the debacle that took place that season. It wasn't as if he had caused any damage, but Trent's little nine obsession did end up killing his romance with Gwen. He only knew about it from the TV after signing up on the show, because his mother didn't allow him to watch Total Drama. He wasn't really sure why she let him audition, considering that, actually.  
"Yeah, that." Trent sighed. "I really screwed up."  
"I wouldn't say that, I mean, sure you obsessively clung to Gwen and drove her away, but..." Cameron said defending him, well, in his own way.  
"Not helping, Cam." Trent glared slightly, but calmed down. "Sorry, sorry, just peeved."  
"I didn't mean to upset you, Trent..." Cameron gave him a reassuring smile.  
"I know, I know." Trent sighed. "Is there anywhere more private we could do this?  
"You know it's funny, Mike said the same thing..." Cameron gave a confused look. He talked with everyone back on the show.  
"Generally people like privacy, Cam." Trent said, slightly sarcastically.  
"Oh. I haven't had any friends before Total Drama, so these are my first experiences." Cameron blushed slightly and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. He felt bad that he accidentally made his new friend uncomfortable, seeing as he just made him.  
"Apology accepted, little dude." Trent grinned happily, patting Cameron on the back. "It's not even that big a deal." He gave one of his trademark mellow smiles and helped Cam up.  
"Thanks, uh, -" Cameron gave an awkward pause and gave a hesitant smile, "- big...uh...guy?" He awkwardly said, giving a nervous chuckle, before they both burst out in friendly laughter. Trent laughed first, and Cameron couldn't help but follow suit. Once they stopped laughing, they headed off to the elevators in a more comfortable silence, passing by the still shaking Scott, Dawn still comforting him fruitlessly. The elevator doors were flanked by two scrawny figures, one with a brown complexion and large nose, and the other a squirrelly gap toothed boy, looking around apprehensively, probably for his purple haired stalker.  
"Come on, elevator, come faster!" Cody whimpered, dancing in anticipation. "Noahhhh, what's taking it so loo-ong!" He turned to his companion, whining. "If we don't hurry up, Sierra'll show up and molest me more!" Cody shuddered.  
"Oh, Chris has the elevators double rigged to go slower." Trent added, joining the two in leaning against the wall, he laughed.  
"Why does that not surprise me." Noah said offhandedly, not even gazing up from his book, turning the page nonchalantly.  
"Chris frightens me." Cameron piped up, awkwardly inserting himself beside Cody, who jumped slightly.  
"He frightens all of us, kid." Noah smirked, still not looking up from his book. "Hey, aren't you the season 4 winner who gave up all his money like a moron? I mean, no offense." He finally looked up from his book, giving a skeptical glance over at the bespectacled young teen before him. "I mean, it is your money, but I would have put it into a college fund or something, not give it away."  
"Well, we're just different people like that." Cameron said cheerfully. "I didn't exactly have much to be spending it on." He laughed.  
"Guess we are." Noah laughed, as the elevator doors opened and everyone filed in awkwardly, the elevator giving slightly ominous creaks like elevators sometimes do. "So where you off to?" Noah asked, giving Trent room to push the button for his stop, which he did.  
"My room." Trent said, punching in the numbers, stepping back to allow Noah space to punch in his numbers.  
"We're headed to the upper juice bar, cause while the one by the pool is nice, I like being able to sip coffee in silence, and not get splashed by psychotic redheads." Noah grinned, punching in the number with one finger.  
"Which one?" Trent laughed jovially, and all four of them joined in.  
"I'm just glad to be going somewhere that Sierra is banned from going." Cody grinned.  
"She's banned from the juice bar?" Cameron asked, slightly fearfully.  
"Yeah, the producers got worried after they caught her slipping roofies into Cody's drinks one time." Noah explained. "Not entirely unreasonably, you know."  
"Yeah..." Cameron shuddered, the door opening on them to Anne Maria and Mike-no, Vito, obviously, in a passionate make out session. "Ugh! I thought that we 'fixed' that!" He stomped his feet angrily, annoyed at the ineffectuality of his therapy sessions. What was the point of this if this was going to go on the second his back was turned.  
"Sorry short stuff, but fella's gotta get his fix." Vito looked up from sucking Anne Maria's face and shrugged nonchalantly. "Makes yah feel better, it did take lots more effort to get out this time 'round, so yah damned thera-whatever did something."  
"Thera-py!" Cameron growled, not wanting to admit he was intrigued that his therapies were affecting Mike's personalities.  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Anne Maria clutched at Vito's pecs. "What's with y'all messing with me and my Vito, huh?"  
"Guys!" Trent grunted in pain, turning back, Cameron realized that he had been holding back the elevator doors for a couple seconds now. "Not that I'm not -oof- fascinated by this drama, but can we hurry up this shindig!" He grunted.  
"Oh my god, Trent, I'm so sorry!" Cameron rushed over to Trent's aid, pulling him out of the doors, leaving Cody and Noah with final bewildered looks as the elevator doors shut. "I almost forgot about you!"  
"I noticed." Trent groaned, rubbing his newly sensitive arm, as Anne Maria and Vito snuck away in the confusion. "T'sok, had worse."  
"Yeah, but I still feel bad." Cameron muttered as they walked over to Trent's room in relative silence. "Hey, here we are." He opened the now relatively familiar door to Mike and Trent's room, escorting Trent in.  
"Home away from home sweet home." Trent sighed contently, flopping on to his bed nonchalantly, well, slightly more nonchalantly than any of the other things he did. Cameron seated himself comfortably on Mike's bed and pulled out his notepad, which he had taken to keeping on him at all times just in case, turning over the Mike section to a new page, which he quickly labeled Trent. "So how does this therapy jazz work anyway?" He turned his head over to Cameron.  
"In my general experience with Mike, weirdly." Cameron admitted. "But you could start by telling me more about yourself, if you want."  
"Sure, little dude." Trent laughed, focusing his eyes back on the ceiling. "Name's Trent Travis, aspiring musician, member of the Drama Bros, former boyfriend of Gwen... For like a few months." He sighed sadly. "I'm still not over it."  
"I've never been in a relationship, heck, I've never kissed a girl, but I'd imagine it's hard to get over." Cameron scribbled more notes down and smiled. "Go on..."  
"I mean, I'm super happy for Gwen and Duncan, really, I am!" Trent's eye twitched slightly. "But every time they kiss, a little part of me remembers how Gwen made me feel." He sniffed a little, but recovered. "But I get that we just didn't work out, and I'm not gonna hold that against Duncan or anything."  
"Wow, that's awful noble of you, Trent." Cameron grinned. "You've certainly taken the whole 'Gwuncan' debacle better than Courtney."  
"Yeah, I guess. I've just always been one to go with the flow. If Gwen and I weren't meant to be, it just has to be that way. Cried enough over it on TDA." He sighed sadly, eyes slightly shiny with emotion.  
"Wasn't there something else we were going to talk about?" Cameron asked. He was getting insight into Trent's mind hearing about his relationships, but as someone with no experience in romance, and certainly no interest in pursuing it anytime soon, if ever, he wasn't particularly interested in hearing about it.  
"Oh yeah." Trent deflated slightly from his reverie. "The nine thing." He sighed. "Always comes back to the nine thing."  
"Yes, heh, the nine thing." Cameron smiled warmly. "Can you tell me where it all started?" He poised his pen inquisitively.  
"Well, the story is a little more complicated than the one I explained on the aftermath, but it does boil down to the essentials." Trent groaned. "Me and my granddaddy were real close, and when was real heartbroken when he died. And when my favorite toy train broke its wheel, my mom tried to comfort me by telling me 9 was my new lucky number." Trent gave a slightly bitter laugh. "If only she could have known."  
"That her offhand comment would cause a deep underlying psychosis that would follow you into your teen years and destroy the happiest relationship you'd had in years and ruin your media publicity?" Cameron asked, slightly blunt.  
"Wow, you-you really know how to hit the nail on the head, don't you." Trent gaped at the scrawny teen. "But it probably if it wasn't that, it would be something else."  
"Really, why?" Cameron asked, scribbling down more notes.  
"Well, I've had a problem with OCD for, heck, since I was real little." Trent said. "Really wasn't a problem during TDI, but when TDA rolled around, it just snowballed. Seeing Duncan and Gwen so close, it was just so scary to me, and I guess I just panicked." He sighed. "And, and, I remembered the nine thing, and it really just comforted me. I really kind of knew how crazy I was getting, but I couldn't stop."  
"That's interesting." Cameron said, scribbling even more little bits and pieces of Trent's conversations. "Want to wrap this up soon?"  
"Yeah, sure." Trent sighed. "I'm getting a little depressed thinking about what's dead and gone, y'know?"  
"Yeah, I guess so." Cameron sighed and closed his notebook. "Just tell me when you want to do this again."  
"Sure. Maybe it'll be less depressing next time." Trent ushered Cameron out of the room. " Come again soon." He shut the door.  
"Well that was abrupt." Cameron said bluntly.  
"He-hey Noah, wha-what's red and smells like bl-blue paint?" Cameron turned to see a somehow drunk Cody staggering out of the elevator, clutching Noah.  
"Ugh... What?" Noah sighed.  
"Red paint!" Cody giggled.  
"You know, you just had apple juice. It is scientifically impossible for you to be drunk right now." Noah deadpanned angrily. "Seriously, what the hell is going on!"  
"I-I'll just let you guys go, do whatever it is you're doing, over there." Cameron sheepishly snuck by them and pressed the elevator doors. When the opened, they revealed Anne Maria and Vito kissing passionately in the elevator. "OH COME ON," Cameron screamed angrily, forcing himself in between the two and pressing the button. He sighed as they continued to suck face. It was going to be a long elevator ride down.

AN; Oh man the Mythbusters reference I got to make. Noah and Cody are fun to write. Actually, all the TD characters are fun to write. Next, you (and me) get a treat, cause my favorite Russian gymnast personality is up next. Trent is actually more fun as a 9 obsessed guy than, I dunno, whatever he was in season 1. Man he was kind of boring then. XD, I guess of you like him, that's great, he just bored me. Now, GO WITH THE FISHING! AND REVIEWING. MOSTLY THAT.


End file.
